Nine months, and a lifetime

It was the strangest way to give up her baby for adoption, but it was the only way to protect her baby. She put her baby on a raft basket, and made the raft floated freely along the river, tearing her heart to pieces as she looked at the basket float away. But her baby was found by a celebrity daughter, who took the baby as her own. Then, by some stroke of incredible fortune, the celebrity daughter eventually hired her, the baby’s real mother, to be that baby’s nanny.

That biblical true story resonates today in a contemporary form of separation. Mom thought she found an ideal husband who would take care of her and the baby in her womb. When her baby was born, the relationship turned sour. The husband turned out to be irresponsible, and she would even need to toil in a foreign land to have the means to fight for her baby and her life as a mother.

Such is the similar case of the mother in Sy vs. Court of Appeals (December 2007). Her husband’s family did not like her because of her different religious belief, among other reasons. She was driven away by the husband, separating her from her two minor children. Without resources, she could not be fit as a parent. So she went to Taiwan to work and earn enough to reclaim her children. When she returned, she filed a case for habeas corpus to compel the husband to bring the two children to court. In court, she was accused of being unfit to be a mother due to insanity as she prays under the rain as a form of worship. But the husband could not convince the court of her unworthiness as a mother, not now that she has some means.

She was awarded care and custody of her children as it was seen to be in the best interest of the children. Besides, her children are both below seven years of age. She also won her battle for support as it was shown that the husband had means or properties.

On the occasion that we commemorate this Sunday, what is interesting in this case, as well as the other cases where the court granted custody to the mother is that the Supreme Court explains the case like its justices are giving a tribute to their own mothers. So the court says:

“The law favors the mother if she is a fit and proper person to have custody of her children so that they may not only receive her attention, care, supervision but also have the advantage and benefit of a mother’s love and devotion for which there is no substitute. Generally, the love, solicitude and devotion of a mother cannot be replaced by another and are worth more to a child of tender years than all other things combined.

“Preference for the mother is recommended in order to avoid many a tragedy where a mother has seen her baby torn away from her. No man can sound the deep sorrows of a mother who is deprived of her child of tender age.”

Custodial rights emanate from parental authority, which is a joint one when the couple is married. But when a child is borne out of wedlock, custody and parental authority are solely vested in the mother. So when my friend’s young daughter unseasonably became a mother out of wedlock, my friend’s main concern was the boyfriend’s rich family may seek joint custody of the child, if they ask for support.

Actually, since the boyfriend is not willing to marry my friend’s daughter, he cannot have joint custody, but he can have visitation or access rights. He is required to support his child but not the mother because they are not married. Unexpected motherhood though brings out the fighting spirit, even of a young mother. She would rear her child with or without support from an irresponsible father and she would abandon all her illusions of comfort to build new dreams for her child.

The above examples though could not belie the common struggle of all modern-day mothers. Long hours of work in the office, healed somehow by a child’s picture at her desk. Tired from work or chores, but always with reserved patience to give her child the daily tutorial. Not enough time for herself, but time enough to take care of all her children’s daily detailed needs. The most amazing part is that she, just like her own mother, will never stop being a mother for the rest of her life, virtually making almost all men babies under their mothers’ shadow.

It may be fitting in today’s tribute to share something I learned not necessarily from reading court cases. What I learned, is that even if you manage to come up with a feast for the entire family on a Sunday, it would not compete with a Sunday celebration when mom was still around. The rest of the fortunate ones among us would find no regret if they cherish every chance and take every opportunity, in more ways than one, to thank the unrewarded heroine of the family, whose light may one day run out, but whose love never will. Happy Mother’s Day to all our beloved mothers!